Taken by the Haunted HDMI Cable by Sinn Lee {GLA review}

HDMITaken by the Haunted HDMI Cable by Sinn Lee

Synopsis (Goodreads):

Sarah has always been fascinated by haunted houses. It’s no wonder that she buys the one in her hometown the first chance she gets. She’s going to prove to everyone that she can live in a haunted house longer than anyone. She’s ready for strange noises and moving furniture, but what she doesn’t expect is a haunted HDMI cable with her in its sights. This sexually charged video cable intends to give her a night she never forgets.

InSixSexWords: A rather bland ghost erotica story.

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: If I search my Kindle for “HDMI,” this is the only book that shows up. What does that say about me?

Kelly: You don’t buy a lot of computer related books?

Amanda: True. I just download a lot of weird erotica titles.

Kelly: *thinks fondly of the gay biker rainbow*

Amanda: I might have a cheese puff complex now.

Kelly: *remembers the dinosaurs who had sex with cars with a twinkle in my eye*

Amanda: Never thought I’d see the day where dinos sexing up cars would be preferable.

Kelly: Oh, hey! I have a haunted HDMI cable sighting!

Amanda: Oh, good. I got stuck on the sentence about how the main character’s couch is so comfortable, then wandered away for a while because I don’t even know.

Kelly: That was… umm, okay.

Amanda: I’m still reading. It’s… okay… so far.

Kelly: Yeah. Okay.

Amanda: Honestly, it would have been more entertaining if she’d been shocked in the shower, which is what I thought would happen. For a few seconds.

Kelly: I was expecting something a little less… vanilla. If that makes sense. Like, this story was kinda bland.

Amanda: Dude. YOU’RE SO RIGHT. That’s exactly it.

Kelly: *buffs nails* Thanks. I do try to be articulate upon occasion. And then sometimes I just AHKLFNSUIFJ!

Amanda: You know, this was like a lame tentacle sex story, but with an HDMI cable instead of tentacles. Though the HDMI cable didn’t even come. I feel like it should have.

Kelly: I’m of the opinion that crazy erotica needs to be crazy. Like, I want to have to SERIOUSLY suspend my disbelief. This… it didn’t do it for me.

Amanda: Nope. And none of the haunted house thing was ever resolved. Was it just that once? Did the ghost just want its way with someone?

Kelly: No clue. But, hey! HDMI fun fact: This book is no longer on Amazon. Take that as you will.

Amanda: I think that says it all.

Taken by the Haunted HDMI Cable was a free Kindle download we picked up on … I don’t know. The book’s not on Amazon anymore and it seems like an awful lot of work to wade through my purchases to figure out when I downloaded it. So I won’t. Because I’m the master of my own fate and I’m not going to let anybody tell me what to do. Unless he’s large and muscular and monstrously proportioned. That’s right! I’M (mostly) THE BOSS OF ME!

Pounded by the Biker Rainbow Come to Life by Max Wood {GLA review}

BikerRainbowPounded by the Biker Rainbow Come to Life by Max Wood

Synopsis:

Seduced by a rainbow, will he submit to the most forbidden pleasure meteorology has to offer?

With his hippy lover dead from a tragic rock-climbing accident, Saul is caught in an endless spiral of bong hits and munchie-filled nights on his sofa. He is haunted by that fateful day and after a midnight toke revelation, he knows that he’s got to return to Indian’s Claw and avenge Rico’s death. What Saul doesn’t anticipate though, is that Rico may still be alive… in the form of a stud rainbow that’s come to life and only has eyes for the mourning hippy.

InSixSexWords: The fire hose of rainbow cum!

Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Just going to point out that the copyright page reminds us to practice safe, responsible and consensual sex. WILL DO, MAX WOOD. Will do.

Amanda: Glad Max is there to warn us. Otherwise who knows what would happen.

Kelly: Unsafe, irresponsible AND non-consensual sex. Possibly with a rainbow. o.O

Amanda: Can I just say? This is not how I expected the story to start.

Kelly: The fact they’re both hippies is really being pounded in, isn’t it?

Amanda: Yeah. And it went to death-defying really fast. “Hey we’re rock climbing. AND NOW WE’RE A FEW SECONDS FROM TUMBLING TO OUR DEATH.”

Kelly: Just setting the tone, man. Gotta bring on the biker rainbow somehow.

Amanda: Right. The biker rainbow. How a hippy and a biker rainbow will… well, never mind. *keeps reading*

Kelly: PENIS BONG!

Amanda: “…as they fondled each other’s stringy muscles…” Whut?

Kelly: LOL! They’d never been lovers, but they’d made love. o.O

Amanda: They made PASSIONATE MAN LOVE. Because that specificity is important.

Kelly: Yuck. Saul hasn’t bathed in months.

Amanda: Nothing about Saul sounds remotely attractive. Have you noticed that?

Kelly: I noticed.

Amanda: Gotta say. Makes an odd choice for an erotica. Then again, biker rainbow. So.

Kelly: Whoa. “…a rainbow rooster hard…” What? WHUT?

Amanda: Maybe this is all a joke and we’re tripping. Somehow.

Kelly: HAHAHA! “Me and a few other rainbows come to life have a motorcycle gang.” THIS BOOK!

Amanda: I mean, that’s what I’d do if I were a rainbow come to life.

Kelly: I know what you mean.

Amanda: Saul’s letting his peace pounder dangle in the wind.

Kelly: His fleshy peace pipe!

Amanda: Holy crap. The rainbow’s coming shot Saul clear across the cliff!

Kelly: LOL!

Amanda: I imagine it was like a fire hose of rainbow cum.

Kelly: The descriptions in this book almost defy explanation. ALMOST.

Amanda: Are we counting the rainbow come to life description too?

Kelly: Indeed we are.

Amanda: I’m trying to decide whether this is more or less believable than the cheese puff.

Kelly: It was shorter.

Amanda: There was more shooting cum.

Kelly: It was more colorful, too.

Amanda: And the rainbow was a biker, not a pimp.

Kelly: I… really don’t know which way I’m leaning with the believability.

Amanda: I think Saul and all his weed makes it more believable. If you imagine it was all something he imagined.

Kelly: True. True. Getting pounded atop a mountain by a rainbow biker is definitely something I think a toked out hippy would imagine.

Amanda: I’m glad we’ve got that settled.

Pounded by the Biker Rainbow Come to Life was a free Kindle download we picked up on 03/05/15.

Cheesy Puff Came to Life and Pimped My Gay Ass by Max Wood {GLA review}

CheesyCheesy Puff Came to Life and Pimped My Gay Ass by Max Wood

Synopsis:

Can true love defy the odds? When a funky cheese puff pimp named Cheesy, comes to life and shows up at Larry’s doorstep, proposing to sweep the young stud away from the world of violence and poverty that surround him, he happily accepts. But a high-rolling lifestyle comes at a price, and Larry soon finds that Cheesy has plans to exploit the young man’s affection for muscular thugs. What Cheesy doesn’t expect though, is to fall for Larry, and soon enough the two find themselves on a cross-country adventure where the stakes are high and the love sizzles like a cheddar slice on a steamy oven top.

Please note that this epic snack treat on stud romance contains scenes of graphic sexual nature.

InSixSexWords: Cheese puff pimp who spurts fondue.

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: *stops to stare at the cover*

Kelly: RIGHT? RIIIIIGHT?!?!?!

Amanda: I’m not sure the guy is looking at his own junk or the pimp cheesy puff.

Kelly: I’m voting for the cheesy puff pimp. HAHAHA! I just wrote CHEESY PUFF PIMP AND TOTALLY MEANT IT!

Amanda: “I rub my cheek against his dry crummy abs.” Now that’s sexy. Wait. It gets better. “…but I was Cheesy’s bottom bitch and I had carnal desires…”

Kelly: Are you ahead of me? I HAVEN’T READ THAT YET!

Amanda: It’s right at the beginning!

Kelly: HA! My book started at 10% AND I DIDN’T NOTICE. LOLOLOL!

Amanda: Ha. I wouldn’t have noticed either, except…. I went back to look at the cover. BECAUSE THE COVER!

Kelly: Yessssss! The cover!

Amanda: Oooooh. I think I’m at the part where the cheese puff turns into Cheesy the pimp.

Kelly: I had to go back and read the beginning. Because of whatisname’s carnal desires.

Amanda: Does he have a name? We can call him BB for short.

Kelly: Honestly, I think we can call him anything and he’d answer.

Amanda: I have a feeling I’m never going to see cheese puffs the same way again.

Kelly: HA! SALTY SNACK STICK!

Amanda: Salty snack stick = penis, right?

Kelly: YES! Also… toasted wonder wang and cheesy lust log. I’M IN HEAVEN WITH THESE!

Amanda: “fat cheesy snack schlong”

Kelly: It’s possible BB’s name is Larry. I vote we stick with BB.

Amanda: ….Larry? And you thought the cover was odd. BB it is!

Kelly: OVEN BAKED GLUTEN GAGGER!

Amanda: lololol. Dude. I wondered if you could eat Cheesy’s fat cheesy snack schlong, but nope. Rubbery and pliable. Sounds delicious, right?

Kelly: Wait until you get to his cheesy fondue!

Amanda: I JUST READ THAT! o.O Siberian tiger sausage pizza? What?

Kelly: Dude. That’s what you’re focusing on? NOT THE CHEESE PUFF PIMP WHO SPURTS FONDUE???

Amanda: There was a lull in the story.

Kelly: BB is about to get his gay ass pimped.

Amanda: Let me guess… BB’s gonna like it.

Kelly: He doesn’t quite understand what’s happening. BB’s none too quick on the draw.

Amanda: It’s because they used all the pages in the encyclopedia for toilet paper.

Kelly: PORK SWORDS! Yassssss!

Amanda: Ghetto gouger?

Kelly: THIS BOOK!

Amanda: Goodness. BB really is rather dim, isn’t he?

Kelly: NO CHEESY JOKE!

Amanda: BB’s in love with Cheesy, a cheese puff pimp.

Kelly: A crusty cheese puff pimp.

Amanda: “I’m your fondue pot, Cheesy. Dunk me!”

Kelly: This book is kinda longer than I was expecting. Lots of cheesy talk before BB rides the cheesy boner.

Amanda: I keep checking how much is left. Because yeah. It seems long. And not in a good way.

Kelly: Is it over yet?

Amanda: FIVE FORMS OF AGGRESSIVE HERPES. What is this book?

Kelly: I… I… WHAT?

Amanda: I did not see that ending coming.

Kelly: No. No. Herpes is never a good place to end.

Amanda: Also, Cheesy died. And the police dogs ate him.

Kelly: THIS BOOK WAS BOTH GLORIOUS AND WEIRD!

Amanda: That’s… a good way of putting it.

Kelly: So. You gonna be eyeballing those cheesy puffs when next you run across them whilst shopping? Are you gonna wonder if any of them are pimps?

Amanda: Yes. I really don’t see how I couldn’t.

Kelly: Yeah. Yeah. Yeeeaaaah.

Cheesy Puff Came to Life and Pimped My Gay Ass was a free Kindle download we picked up on 03/05/15.

Taken by Swarm: Seduced by Werebees by A.M. Ball {GLA review}

SwarmTaken by Swarm: Seduced by Werebees by A.M. Ball

Synopsis

Belinda, a big girl striking out on her own, stopped outside the tiny, isolated country town for a long, private moment with her new toy, buzz. The town itself, the male population of the town, has a very special welcome for Belinda, almost as though it had been waiting for her. Waiting eagerly for her.

With cake. Lots of sweet, honeyed, creamy, sticky, cake.

InSixSexWords: We can’t even with this book.

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: Werebees. WEREBEES! I just have to say that before we get started.

Kelly: Dude. Her vibrator is called “Buzz.” LOLOLOL!

Amanda: That’s rather appropriate, but I’m a little concerned about her experience with “boys.”

Kelly: I’m concerned with how she’s stripping down in the middle of town in her car to enjoy some solitary sexy times. At least pull onto a side street!

Amanda: When you gotta buzz, you gotta buzz, Kelly. It doesn’t matter where you are.

Kelly: I see what you mean. There’s no time for hunting down secluded spots when you need Buzz in your cooch!

Amanda: Is it me or is there a lot of alliteration in this?

Kelly: It’s not you.

Amanda: “She thought about how the plump, pliant, persistent bulb…”

Kelly: Wait until you get to the “nows.”

Amanda: Will I roll my eyes?

Kelly: Probably more than once. Possibly once for each now.

Amanda: I suddenly see what you mean. Now.

Kelly: I… think we just hit a painful tense change. I don’t know what they fuck’s going on here.

Amanda: I haven’t gotten that far yet. But. I feel like the werebees are courting Belinda in the diner and she doesn’t even know it.

Kelly: This book is confusing me. I feel like I missed a section.

Amanda: Ooooh. There’s the tense change.

Kelly: Yup. There it is.

Amanda: This seems less about werebees and more about sex with pastries.

Kelly: Are the bees psychic? Whatever she thinks about ends up happening. I just… what?

Amanda: Yeah. I’m not sure what’s going on here. Except sex. There’s some kind of sex.

Kelly: Yeah. There is that.

Amanda: And there’s surprise anal sex! “‘Oh, now there’s one slipping into her ass. Did she want that? Probably not, but it’s surprisingly nice.”

Kelly: I have finished. So has Belinda, apparently. Many times. In many ways. With many men. And pastries.

Amanda: This is a really weird book, as far as GLAs go. And that’s saying something.

Kelly: Yeah. I just… don’t quite know what happened here. And why did one of them not get to come?

Amanda: Wait. Wait. “That’s bingo, and a successful impregnation, boys.” WHAAAAAT?

Kelly: I don’t know.

Amanda: WHAT IS THIS BOOK?

Kelly: If I had the choice between dinosaurs having sex with cars and this book, I’d choose the dinosaurs having sex with cars. At least I could follow along with what was happening.

Amanda: You know, I may not have agreed with you last week on that, but I definitely agree now.

Kelly: Dino/car sex, FTW!

Amanda: Poor werebees. I feel like they had so much potential!

Kelly: I agree. Instead we were given weird pastry sex. Or something. I DON’T EVEN KNOW.

Amanda: It started off as weird pastry sex and then devolved into something we don’t even understand. And we’re basically experts on odd erotica.

Kelly: Maybe this is that GLA-virginity thing rearing up. When you stay away from bad erotica for too long, THINGS HAPPEN!

Amanda: You re-grow your GLA hymen?

Kelly: I FEEL SO OUT OF THE LOOP! IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED!

Amanda: *is lost* *wanders off*

Kelly: *stares blankly into the horizon*

Taken by Swarm: Seduced by Werebees was a free Kindle download we picked up on 02/01/15.

A Trillionaire Triceratops Violated My Volvo by Randall Edgar Reynolds {GLA review}

VolvoA Trillionaire Triceratops Violated My Volvo by Randall Edgar Reynolds

Synopsis

When super-wealthy dinosaurs from the planet Gargachoy make their way to Earth, they seem to have one thing on their minds: getting it on. With our automobiles. And while things are getting hot and heavy in the garage, a few of them may even find love.

InSixSexWords: Everything a dino-car erotica should be.

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: I just want everyone to know that I’ve paused Frozen for this. I’d hate to get those wires crossed. *shudders* *drinks wine*

Kelly: WHAT? You don’t think Frozen fits in with the “dinosaurs loving cars” theme?

Amanda: I don’t want to take the chance, Kelly.

Kelly: This book. It’s been a long time since we last GLA-ed. I’m practically a GLA virgin again.

Amanda: “[the dinosaurs] called the local radio stations continuously to request songs by Robin Thicke; they were really into him for some reason.” FOR SOME REASON, that sentence makes me laugh. BTW, you can’t get your GLA hymen back once it’s gone. YOU JUST CAN’T.

Kelly: I don’t know. This book feels like it has the power to violate me in many ways.

Amanda: Hmm. Good point. Though all I’ve got so far is loads of back story instead of dinosaur cum.

Kelly: I’ve got a horny dinosaur. Just sayin’.

Amanda: “And when a dinosaur gets excited, it’s hard to miss.”

Kelly: THE CAR DESCRIPTIONS! LOLOLOLOL!

Amanda: Wait. Now the human has felt sexual things toward his Volvo, too??? That’s one sexy Volvo.

Kelly: She’s got some junk in the trunk, sure!

Amanda: I like big trunks and I cannot lie?

Kelly: WOW! Getting voyeuristic with the dino/volvo coupling!

Amanda: I’m not really surprised by that. The narrator sounds like that kind of person. Holy hell, the author slipped an Ayn Rand quote into the book. o.O

Kelly: He mentions her several times. JUST YOU WAIT!

Amanda: *is very confused* AYN RAND HAS NO PLACE IN MONSTER EROTICA.

Kelly: This book has just proven you wrong, my friend. SO WRONG.

Amanda: This just goes to show you that monster erotica is everywhere and in everything you love.

Kelly: It’s definitely in that poor Volvo.

Amanda: So dino-car sex is the new porno for bored suburbanites?

Kelly: Apparently.

Amanda: Somehow, it seems fitting.

Kelly: OH MY DEAR GAWD! THAT WAS AMAZING! DIRTY CAR/DINO SEX! BOO-YAH!

Amanda: *blinks* *blinks again* Um. Okay. Well. Um. Okay.

Kelly: It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that level of befuddlement from you.

Amanda: It’s the dino-car sex thing. My brain can’t understand it. Especially with Ayn Rand thrown in. *brain melts*

Kelly: I thought it was an excellent way to jump back into GLA-ing. BOTH FEET AND A GAS PEDAL, YO!

Amanda: We went from zero to monster sex in 3.5 seconds.

Kelly: GAWD! YES! AND THE DINOS GOT OFF ON WATCHING FAST AND FURIOUS! LOLOLOL!

Amanda: o.O O.O O.o

Kelly: This monster erotica is Kelly-approved!

Amanda: I drank wine! That probably means I approve, too.

Kelly: *high five*

A Trillionaire Triceratops Violated My Volvo was a free Kindle download we picked up in …umm, February? I think.

Mech Sex by Vivian Vixen {GLA review}

GLAMechSexMech Sex by Vivian Vixen

Synopsis :

Theria is an attractive new recruit, training to pilot the giant humanoid robots known as “mechs.” One day Theria will be the savior of the galaxy, but right now she’s just getting started.

War machines, planetary guardians—they are connected at the neural level to their pilots—what the robot feels, the pilot feels. Rub them the wrong way and brace yourself; rub them right and anything is possible!

Her mentor is Rege, the Imperial Hero, ace pilot, and ruthless space warrior. Alone together on the barren training planet, Theria and Rege square off in a battle of wills.

He’s too hard on her; she’s too impatient for him. The tension ignites a sexual passion…and a mechanical curiosity! Just how good is he with that robot? He’s a thousand feet tall, she’s barely five-five. He’s going to have to be the most incredible lover in the universe—the melding of metal and flesh has never been so naughty!

InSixSexWords: Less humans, more giant robot sex.

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: Oooh. Putting on her clothes is sexual. This could be good?

Kelly: It could be! We’ll have to wait and see!

Amanda: Still waiting…

Kelly: *continues reading*

Amanda: MAKE ROBOT LOVE, NOT PUMMELING EACH OTHER.

Kelly: This is uncharted territory for us. I WANT TO ROBOT LOVIN’!

Amanda: They’re destroying mountains. And that’s not a euphemism.

Kelly: I’m ready for the dirty robot sex now.

Amanda: WE WERE PROMISED.

Kelly: There do not appear to be robots involved in this sexin’.

Amanda: Just the ones manning the robots.

Kelly: WAIT. I might have spoken too soon.

Amanda: *is wondering how everything is going to fit together* ….”cock-finger” is not a phrase we’ve seen a lot of.

Kelly: Very true. Well, we did get robot sex. Of a sort.

Amanda: Yeah. Of a sort. I’m not sure it fully qualifies.

Kelly: I’m not going to lie, I wanted two robots just going at it like wild animals.

Amanda: When you hear “Giant robot erotica,” that’s what you expect.

Kelly: Exactly. Giant robot boning. Lots of creaking and banging as the parts get ALL UP in each others’ business.

Amanda: Precisely! So it wouldn’t be wrong if I said we were both a little disappointed by this?

Kelly: It was decent erotica as far as the sex went, but it didn’t deliver on the giant robot sexin’. In my opinion.

Amanda: And really, that was the point of reading the book, wasn’t it?

Kelly: EXACTLY!

Mech Sex was a free Kindle download we picked up on 09/29/14.

Gender Swapped by the Demon Lord by Natalia Dire {GLA review}

GLAGenderSwappedGender Swapped by the Demon Lord by Natalia Dire

Synopsis

Seth thought his first romp with a seductive demoness would the wildest, weirdest time of his life, but the night isn’t over. After the succubus’s dark powers transformed the hunky college sophomore into a nubile young woman, Seth is now “Beth.” In Part Two, she took the opportunity to explore her brand new body; first alone, then with an enthusiastic pizza delivery girl. In this story, Beth’s green-eyed goddess has finally returned home for more action, this time with a giant gender swap surprise of her own.

InSixSexWords: This one was definitely a GLA.

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: “An excerpt from the book”? Wait. What?

Kelly: I know! I’m confused already and I’m only a few paragraphs in.

Amanda: Skip ahead. I think the book starts a few pages in.

Kelly: I see that. NOW. *grumbles a little*

Amanda: It was very confusing. And unnecessary. *cackles* Seth turns into Beth.

Kelly: And has his/her first lesbian experience!

Amanda: Oh. And now the DEMON has swapped genders. Kind of.

Kelly: There’s a lot of cock swapping going on. That’s all I know.

Amanda: And sex transports them to a different world/plane/whatever.

Kelly: Indeed.

Amanda: Hmm. Interesting use of the demon’s tail.

Kelly: If you’ve got a tail, why not use it? I always say!

Amanda: Then the other demons pitched in…

Kelly: Or splooged in, as the case may be.

Amanda: Splooge is a good word for it, I think.

Kelly: Heh. Are you done yet?

Amanda: Yes. Yes, I am.

Kelly: Annnnnd?

Amanda: It was a GLA book.

Kelly: You’re not wrong.

Amanda: What did you think?

Kelly: It was… you know, I don’t think gender swapping is my cup of tea. I had a bad gender swapping experience once. It left scars. -pause- I should probably clarify that it was a LITERARY gender swapping experience.

Amanda: I was expecting more angst at the gender swapping since it was, you know, against his/her will. But she seemed to like being a woman.

Kelly: Agreed. More angst and more inappropriate fondling of her luscious new body, methinks.

Amanda: Yeah. I expected more fondling of her body. Don’t know if it’s inappropriate if it’s her own body though.

Kelly: But if it’s a new body, it’s like it’s someone else. RIGHT? This goes back to my “If you time travel and have a threesome with your other self, is it really a threesome or is it just really bizarre masturbation?”

Amanda: Yeah, but it’s still YOURS. Wouldn’t you want time to uh, ahem, get to know your new body?

Kelly: Excellent point. I withdraw my “inappropriate” wording from earlier.

Amanda: Glad we settled that literary question. Still don’t have an answer for you with your time traveling threesome, though.

Kelly: What if you had sex with a clone of yourself? It is a lesbian/gay experience or just totally outstanding masturbation?

Amanda: That question’s above my pay grade.

Gender Swapped by the Demon Lord was a free Kindle download we picked up on 9/22/14.

The Vegan Virgin by Ann L. Probe {GLA review}

GLAVeganThe Vegan Virgin by Ann L. Probe
UFO Sex Girl #1

Synopsis

An alien who has never done it. A woman searching for her missing cousin.

A wild sex romp begins…

Amy Rush has disappeared, and her cousin, Jo Fox is trying to find her. Jo knows Amy was sleeping with various aliens, so she approaches a UFO group in an attempt to contact the aliens who abducted her nymphomaniac cousin. What Jo doesn’t know is that if she hopes to track down her cousin, she’s going to have to open her mind, and her legs to a variety of aliens herself.

First up is a virgin from Vega, and he’s brought along Observers who like to watch.

Can Jo overcome her shyness to strip down and give a Vegan virgin his best night on Earth? Oh who are we kidding? This wouldn’t be for adults if she couldn’t bring some bang for your buck, so slip between the covers for the first adventure of UFO Sex Girl as she sleeps with The Vegan Virgin!

InSixSexWords: It’s no Amy Rush fucking Bigfoot.

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: Ann L. Probe is the one with the Ari-like character. The one who loves monster sex, right?

Kelly: Yep. The nympho Amy Rush.

Amanda: I feel like we’re in good hands. Or something. The author’s name does give me a pause or two.

Kelly: Ann L. Probe? It makes me smile. I LIKE TO SMILE!

Amanda: Well, yes. I laugh at Ann L. Probe’s name. I just don’t think I’d trust being in her (his? obviously a pen name) hands.

Kelly: Excellent point!

Amanda: Ahhhh! AMY’S COUSIN.

Kelly: YES! Jo Fox! BRING THE SEXIN’, JO!

Amanda: Heh. “Dufos.” Nice acronym.

Kelly: Barry White’s a smooth talker. Very smooth.

Amanda: “Hello there” is ALWAYS a good start.

Kelly: I’m ready for the Vegan Virgin sex.

Amanda: I hope she’s vegan because that’s her diet, not a statement of not wanting cock meat.

Kelly: It’s neither. It’s a virgin alien from Vega.

Amanda: I find myself oddly disappointed. Unless the sex is good? I shall have to read on to find out.

Kelly: I haven’t reached the sex yet. DON’T LET ME DOWN, ANN L. PROBE!

Amanda: *giggles again at DUFOS*

Kelly: HA! Vegan vs vegan. Okay. That made me laugh. LOLOLOL! Oh, man. This virgin is awesome.

Amanda: I NEED TO CATCH UP. I’m skimming. HOLD ON. “I haven’t shown you my penis yet, how would you know that?” “Oh wait, you said vegan, not Vegan.”

Kelly: YES! Vegan vs vegan!

Amanda: Now I’m curious about his Vegan penis.

Kelly: *whispers* It’s adjustable.

Amanda: I just read that. I’m kinda impressed. “What would you like tonight, lover? Extra large or monster?”

Kelly: I, too, am impressed. “Monster, honey. The extra large wasn’t quite enough for me last time!”

Amanda: Do you think there’s anything that comes after monster?

Kelly: The TWENTY FOUR INCHES OF ROCK HARD COCK!

Amanda: After that, there’s just death from impalement.

Kelly: Didn’t the girl almost die from that? Like, her lungs were being crushed, yeah?

Amanda: Yeah. Almost. Extra large, monster, twenty-four inches, death. That’s how it goes.

Kelly: Nice. And good to know.

Amanda: I just want you to be prepared when you meet an alien with an adjustable cock, Kelly.

Kelly: Now I will be. THANKS!

Amanda: You know I’m here for you.

Kelly: You are. As the Vegan Virgin was there for Jo.

Amanda: The Vegan Virgin whose cock was like a magic wand, no less.

Kelly: I liked the Vegan Virgin, but the sex was only okay. I wanted more.

Amanda: It was almost sweet. Which is not what I expected from Ann L. Probe.

Kelly: Honestly, I think I like Amy Rush’s unrestrained sexuality more than Jo’s timidity.

Amanda: Especially in a GLA.

Kelly: Exactly!

Amanda: So how does this hold up to other GLA books?

Kelly: Not terrible, but it’s no Amy Rush fucking Bigfoot.

Amanda: We’re in agreement.

The Vegan Virgin was a free Kindle download we picked up on 09/22/14.

Taken by Tentacles by Jen Harker {GLA review}

GLATentaclesTaken by Tentacles by Jen Harker

Synopsis

Captured by aliens. Ready for processing.

Shelly was just one of hundreds of refugees caught up in mankind’s final battle against the Invaders until she was captured by the mysterious foe. Now she’s isolated, drugged, and faced with rough and degrading treatment at the tentacles of the aliens’ machinery… but what do they have in store for the poor girl next?

InSixSexWords: Only as horrific as metal tentacles.

Our Thoughts:
Kelly: Door #1 or door #2. PICK!

Amanda: DOOR 2. -pause- Maybe “hole 1” and “hole 2” would have been more appropriate.

Kelly: Good point. I feel like I’ve let you down.

Amanda: Next time tease me with my choice of holes.

Kelly: WILL DO! Oh. Are we starting?

Amanda: I started, but the beginning was confusing. That bodes well.

Kelly: Doesn’t it?

Amanda: It’s erotic horror. Those stories ALWAYS end well.

Kelly: Man eating penises and … uhh, that Frankenstein one. Yeah. ALWAYS.

Amanda: Yeah. I’ve blocked out the others. Oooh. They love drugged her to prepare her for their metal tentacles.

Kelly: I am INTRIGUED by these metal tentacles! IS SOMEONE CONTROLLING THEM?

Amanda: “Metallic medicinal scent of the tentacles.” Mmmm. That sounds delicious.

Kelly: Well, it’s no dude musk, but it could be worse.

Amanda: Hmm. Well, there’s an ending.

Kelly: Yes. Yes, it was.

Amanda: It’s not as horrific as I was expecting.

Kelly: Not at all. No regurgitating stomachs or anything.

Amanda: More like the usual monster erotica with a hint of breeding monster erotica. Nothing horrific about that. *pauses to laugh at that statement*

Kelly: I don’t even feel like this was in the “monster” vein. It was more sci-fi erotica. What with the metallic alien tentacles and all.

Amanda: Yes. Good point. Those metal tentacles. Which, honestly, didn’t sound very comfortable or nice at all.

Kelly: You’d be into them if being split apart by an over sized, vaguely cock shaped thing was your… thing.

Amanda: It’s the metal that bothers me, actually. Also the drugging.

Kelly: I’m really tempted to make a lewd joke about Edward Cullen here BUT I’M REFRAINING. I don’t even know myself anymore.

Amanda: WHY ARE YOU REFRAINING? Keeping Edward Cullen jokes inside is dangerous to your health.

Kelly: You’re SO RIGHT! Although, now I’d have to explain the joke and that really takes all the jokiness out of it.

Amanda: Next time, then.

Kelly: You bet! Next time I’ll just bust out the potential for frozen cock in outer space jokes WITH ABANDON. And then I’ll tie it in to Edward Cullen. BECAUSE I’M GIFTED LIKE THAT!

Amanda: You are. Extremely gifted. Like that.

Kelly: *gives you the side eye*

Amanda: *adopts an innocent look*

Kelly: *snorts at your innocent look*

AmandaTakes one to know one.

Kelly: Absolutely.

Taken by Tentacles was a free Kindle download we picked up on 02/13/14.

Cropped by Michelle Fox {GLA review}

GLACroppedCropped by Michelle Fox
Synopsis:

Her first taste of the crop…
This is a short erotic story of approximately 1500 words. For mature audiences only.

InSixSexWords: BRING ON THE COCK! MOAR COCK!

Our Thoughts:
Amanda: Spanking erotica, huh?

Kelly: We’re expanding our reading horizons.

Amanda: Wait. We still have reading horizons to expand?

Kelly: I imagine we do. We can’t have read EVERYTHING out there.

Amanda: But think of all we HAVE read!

Kelly: The man-eating penis. The horror one where… I can’t even remember. I think I wiped part of that one from my memory.

Amanda: Bigfoot and the sisters. I know you liked that one.

Kelly: Blech. I do like Bigfoot, but that story did nothing for me. OH! The Chupacabra one with the AWESOME easy listening cover!

Amanda: Okay. I finished the story. Did you? It was very short. As promised.

Kelly: It was very short. Not bad, either.

Amanda: Eh. Not bad, but not so good, either. Maybe I’m not a spanking type. *shrugs*

Kelly: I like Michelle Fox’s books overall. Her writing’s pretty tight.

Amanda: I actually kind of wanted more… story. Who am I?

Kelly: I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW. But I’m disturbed by hearing those words from you!

Amanda: I’m disturbed by them too. THEY ARE NOT MY NORMAL WORDS.

Kelly: No. Usually it’s all “WHERE’S THE SEX?” and “MOAR BLOWJOBS!” God, you’re so filthy!

Amanda: You corrupted me. Also, I *was* pleased with the way this one started. With the sex.

Kelly: *buffs nails* I really did, didn’t I?

Amanda: Completely and totally corrupted me.

Kelly: Remember that one time where you were all outraged at how many times the word cock was used in a book? And I was all “Shoulda been more, yo!” (Because I’m SUPER street like that.)

Amanda: I remember those days. To be fair though, as an editor, I’d still mention it. I just wouldn’t object to the word.

Kelly: That’s what I like to hear. Our little Amanda is ALL GROWN UP NOW! BRING ON THE COCK!

Amanda: MOAR COCK!

Kelly: WELL SAID!

Cropped was a free Kindle download we picked up on 01/31/13.